WHORE

What a joke this bitch is, seriously what is the purpose of her on this show? When I get my badge she will be first on my list to smack over the head with my Baton, I might even shoot her with my Bean Bag Pellet Gun! WHOOP WHOOP we have an Eating Disorder Stick Figure on the prowl… she is an offender of the NERVES, particularly MINE!

FYI: Isn’t this photo and the below article the BEST… finally someone is speaking my language… fucking excellent! Let’s all have a moment of silence for her poor chichis as they are desperately trying to leave that bitches chest.

These pictures of Kelly Bensimon's seizure victim titty's are from September '08, but when I saw them on Best Week Ever and B-Side Blog, I had to share them with you. I know that after you listen to Kelly's sandpaper-on-a-chalkboard voice scream "highly inappropriate" a million times on The Real Housewives of New York, you take an old gym bag into the corner and quietly kick at it while pretending it's Kelly's face. You're not alone in that feeling, because her chichis feel the same. Look at them. They obviously put in a request for a transfer and bitches aren't doing shit until it comes through! They just can't work together. The left one hates the right one and they both hate Kelly's rotten apricot face.

It probably takes 2 body builders and a crane to put a bra on that chest. When they finally get a bra on her, it only holds for a quick minute before it snaps off and goes flying through the room. Those boobies do not want to be contained. They want off that bitch! Move this island!

RAY J AND COCKtail still together?

Well from what I can gather…. Joanna Hernandez aka COCKtail is hanging on to those dark chocolate Nutz. She might have hit the lotto with this one or at least the Reality TV lotto… I don’t think this will last long, I don’t think she will last long, he is a PIG and she is in this for exposure… Go girl, you boned this man on TV and for Fucks sake you deserve it “literally” get your name on that XXX billboard!

FYI: Reunion is a GO :) I saw the photoshoot online, this is gonna be GOOOOD!

MONICA LEON AKA DANGER…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DChBn25OIvQ
Check it out...

She is NOT preggers (damn) and in fact is set to marry Gabriel Cannon… the brother of Nick Cannon. This psycho Bitch had me excited for nothing… After finding out in the attached interview that this Ho was a Prostitute I could only hope she might have passed on some gifts to our lil Ray J in the form of Genital Warts or a severe herpes outbreak maybe a lil crab infestation. "Oh well" this bitch snagged another sucker so I’m quite sure she will give us something else to look forward to … maybe a hooker show!

UGLINA IS STICKING TO THE CODE OF FRIENDSHIP HONOR…

After this past week’s episode of The Hills… I was in a funk, a horrible funk. I just couldn’t believe that my LC gave the go to that skank bitch Uglina and my Bromance Brody… I mean, why would Brody want to bounce up on it with a skank whose teeth are practically coming out of her nose. I just couldn’t focus on any other part of the show. I hate Uglina even if what she says in this article is true.

TAGGERS… (Personal Post)

So as if shit isn’t already bad enough for me… Financially, emotionally and now the Job is on the line, some Pieces of dog shit tag my white picket fence at home. Can you believe that, what assholes…? I mean I understand that I don’t reside in the nicest of areas but TAGGING ON Houses and fences (you have got to be kidding me) I am so Pissed off about this that I’m considering sleeping in my garage with my BB Gun and catching some punk kid off guard by shooting him in the ass or NUTS and I’m not kidding! What DICK HEADS!

Farewell Oscar De La Homo

As Oscar’s Girlfriend I would like to say, I’m thankful he will no longer be boxing, his beautiful Face is spared and I won’t have to endure another Fight Party at my Home where I go on a rampage against all the haters (I have lost friends over this)! Who knows what’s next for him, maybe he’ll take up pole dancing… he obviously loves fishnets and thongs and with the economy that job would be recession proof, Hell I’d tip him SMILING!
BTW… Is he getting old or what, he looked like shit today during is retirement ceremony and Back of Bitches I don’t mind a Mann who cry’s like a Bitch!

Waste of 30 minutes!

I HATE Stephanie PRATT; how about when she calls Stacie (the Bartender) a Home wrecker… Where in the fuck is the home and where is the wife, the more appropriate thing to have done would have been to grab that skank bitch by the hair and have had a full fledge girl fight up in HWOOD… YOU ARE A PUSSY HEIDI; OMG What a crock of shit this weeks Hills was… I mean come on this is not the Speidi Show its The Hills and I personally can’t handle another episode where Albino Bitch Boy and Plastic Surgery Barbie are fighting, what a Joke!

Note to LC:

Stop helping that freeloading Cunt Stephanie… she is useless in everyway as a matter of fact I hope she comes out with a purse line… I will Protest with Picket Signs.

P.I.G and his Pent House Pet…

What a rip… I can’t believe this Hog picked that Ho. I totally get that there weren’t many choices but for Fuck Sake did he have to pick the chick with horrific eyebrows… it seems to me either she is smoking some good shit or she is blind, because she continues to have 1 hell of a problem drawing two even brows, and who in there right mind would want to date Bret Michaels?!? He is the epitome of 80’s and he refuses to leave… no man should wear hair extensions or get lip injections and Cutting the sleeves of t-shirts was never a fashion DO it has always been a DON’T… So I guess the bottom line is these two K-9’s, Mongrel’s, Fido or Mutt’s (what ever they are) deserve each other!

The Hills and the CUNT!

Where do I start…?
I guess I should start off by thanking those of you who came to my Premiere party on Monday, I had a great time and the food wasn’t bad either.
MOVING ON, I’m not sure if I was prepared for all the Juicy shit that happened on episode 1 of Season 5… I mean I knew I would love it but mostly because I feel like I’m part of the cast; It starts off with UGLina and Lo putting together a surprise party for my LC and it’s going to be on a yacht… when LC arrives to her party and everyone screams SSSUUUPPPRRRIISSE I thought my poor Homie shit her self… she took a step back and was looking like she was gonna have a heart attack or get out her peper spray and take some Fuckers OUT! If having the shit scarred out of you isn’t bad enough….. Plastic Surgery Barbie walks in uninvited (she's pathetic). The best part of this party was when Stephanie conveniently tells Plastic Surgery Barbie that her Flesh Tone Mann is a flirting with the Bartender, this sends Barbie into complete hysterics, she Ruins the party by making LC cry and then wants to be let off the ship… on the other end Mr. Flesh tone sucker punches Cameron then uses his Face as as a human punching bag, people can say what they want about Speidi… truth is I hate him but after he kicks the dookie out of that pussy Cameron, I feel the need to thank him for bringing the violence to The Hills… all we need now is a Girl fight, I nominate Brody’s new Skank of the week to take down UGLina! I also can NOT believe that Spencer has lunch with Brody, what a fucken joke and how about Stephanie straight up lieing… I am going to send a letter to the city of Malibu where the Pratt’s originated from telling them what a crime it was to allow the births of such creatures; I wonder if there is law that allows deportation from city to city, I’m almost positive Hollywood would agree in shipping those albino's back.

From the looks of the upcoming episodes I’m going to need to stock up on Patron and Kettle, I will also need some blood pressure medication…

Things we learned and key notes:

1. Stephanie Pratt is an Instigator
2. UGLina has big ears
3. LC needs waterproof mascara
4. UGLina has Big teeth
5. Plastic Surgery Barbie is shameless
6. UGLina needs lip injections to even out her big teeth
7. Plastic Surgery Barbie gives good gifts
8. UGLina is a Whore
9. Flesh Tone has a mean Right Hook
10. UGLina has 2 lazy eyes

TONIGHT… The Duel 2

Bitch fights, gay love triangles and a numerous amount of people I hate coming to this seasons RR/RW DUEL 2. I would personally like stick an elephant dick in the big mouth of Eating Disorder Paula, and then I would like to see Shauvon get a serious case of Vaginal Herpes and have to leave early… In some better news about the show, My fellow Alchyyy Ruthie is back along with the ever so Psychotic Brooke and don’t forget about our regulars… The Poor Bitches who never win Aneesa, Robin and Katie, not only do they never win but they also never get laid “sad” as for boys… sorry to disappoint but the cast is rather Homofucksual, if they’re not already out of the closet then there still stuck in the closet.Can’t wait for tonight!

Housewhores of New Jersey… Soprano Style

Big Hair, Big Mouths and Big Dicks… that sums it up, they all look like Cross Dressing Drag Queens.

Why God?

I don’t think it is fair for anyone to have to look at this Hot Mess let alone listen to her speak in EBONICS, I mean can someone please let her know that she is whiter then a loaf of fluffy Wonder bread... Another thing wrong with this Picture is her baby daddy Tyson Beckford, Good Lord what it the hell was he smoking when he bounced up on her. Why God WHY, would Shanikwa want another baby from this dead beat dad, this desperate Oreo needs an intervention ASAP.

New Look... Adrienne Kardashian!

She looks great, I love the dark hair.... hmmmm she starting to look like a Kardashian!

Me & the Girls!

I can hardly wait for the Premiere this Monday... In fact after talking to LC last night we are both confused on what to wear... I told her how gorgeous she looks in Bohemian floor length dresses and she told me to keep it sexy!

I have officially lost my mind and I don't want to hear a single word from my 3 loyal readers... I swear bitches let my imagination be alone and run free...

Perez Hilton… My Gay HERO!

Mr. Hilton hosted the BGC Reunion. It was the best hosting job I’ve ever seen, he said shit I’ve been thinking about all season. He told the ugly bitch Ashley how he was thankful that she finally fixed her fucked up Chola Eyebrows, He asked Sarah what it was like to be a WHORE (hilarious) then he started throwing Gummy Bears at the Amber Show… There was plenty of shit talking, name calling and I’m from BOSTON, COMTON and WASHINGTON???? (Washington??? LOL)

Then it happened, The Psycho Path (Ailea) took the stage, Perez Hilton greeted her with “THE CRAZY BITCH of the house, have you visited any psyche wards lately… you need to be re-evaluated BITCH, you are a sick BITCH”…. I swear he was that ruthless to her the whole show he must have been reading my Blog and my Mind!

It was a great night of tele and I might send my full Direct TV payment in this month just because of it!

HATE HER

I hate this bitch… just as much as highm8nce hates The Cuntess but not as much as I can’t stand Ailea… which I will conveniently complain about on my next post. Anyways this fucken Tweeker Giraffe brought back my need for Patron, I swear I had a rage against the machine moment as she tried to get brave with my Bravo TV BFF Bethany… Oh NO She Di-int, I was praying that my lil Beth would kick this stick figure right between the legs and split this tree in half (oh man, anger management). I really gotta stop talking about this Fucker, my blood pressure just peeked and steam is coming out the ears, yes people I am serious about reality TV, ask Lori about Vegas when we casually tried to discuss Melissa and Too Can Sam (Molly) it got heated.

UGLIna is trying to get with my MANN!!! WTF

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